CW for this audio entry: alcohol use disorder, sexual assault, pelvic floor injuries, nightmares
In these entries, from my current perspective, I can see how much energy I was putting into family members. After spending a weekend doing that, I had awful nightmares. Of course, I didn’t see it then. It had become habitual to seek worth through what I could do for or be or give to others. Now, I am pretty sure the Universe didn’t give me any allies all those years because it was pulling out all the stops to force me to find a shred of self-worth that would make me stand up for my needs. But putting energy into others did allow for some breaks from all the internal work I was digging into. I have to trust that the long period of two steps forward, one step back was for a reason.
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