Patience vs. Waiting in Times of Personal Transformation

Are we there yet?

How often do you pause during your day to intentionally discern? And by this, I mean going deeper than your default perspective. As we are being encouraged by the astrology to shed many of the belief systems we were conditioned to internalize, we must practice discernment to sort what is authentic self from what is conditioned self.

Last week, I wrote about being annoyed with a part of me showing up in a way I felt was uncharacteristic of the self I know to be true. Over this past week, as I practiced calibrating my energy to hold in 30% and direct 70% externally as a default setting (this was a suggestion from last Sunday’s Oracle card spread), I noticed how my energy felt scanning and filtering what was external, versus my energy kept internal with the self I am now very familiar with from meditation, yoga, astrology, journaling, etc.. It’s pretty hard to filter all of that external energy, and it is no wonder some of it easily attaches to those old conditioned parts of me, lighting them up like two matching cards in a game of concentration.

And I am not so annoyed anymore. Rather, than seeing my inner damsel in distress as annoying, I came to see her as just wanting help because she is inexperienced in this way of being we are transforming into. I don’t actually think that part of me is self-sabotaging because it is afraid to change, it just doesn’t know how to.

The third card last week was about the beauty amidst messy transformation. It feels kinder and more spacious to apply this perspective of beauty at every stage of transformation as we discern our way out of our conditioned self to our authentic self.

Discernment is something we will be working on for some time. A theme for us to consider this week is discernment between patience and waiting. This has come up lately, as many are frustrated with the start to this year. Last year was really hard for many, and we wished that the flip of the calendar year would immediately flip the energy. As if we could push the Master Manifestation button and watch the fruits of our labor grow into big juicy beauties. Wah wah. Crunchiness, confusion, frustration, illness, injury welcomed us into the New Year instead.

I think we were being prompted to explore what happens when our free will feels thwarted. It felt like we turned in all our assignments and were waiting for the grade to be posted, getting more pissed off each day we didn’t receive that external validation. Waiting to me is a powerless stance. It is giving up because you need something from someone else, maybe even from God or the Universe. Patience is acknowledging your efforts and the knowledge or wisdom gained while you are focused on your ultimate goal and while you keep living your life with curiosity - especially when nothing seems to be changing. The former is being stuck in a corner and the latter is finding you are in a beautiful sphere with no corners at all unless you create them.

Below is this week’s spread, as an offering to paid subscribers. Not currently a paid subscriber? You can view the cards and inspired haiku in this Note.

Card 1. Clarity on last week: Page of Water (Deer from Animal Guides Tarot by Raleigh Valentine, equivalent to the Page of Cups Tarot card).

As I wrote above, I came to see the part of me that is new to this authentic selfhood with a different lens. And when I inevitably still find myself impatient of irritated with the process of transformation, I am compassionate with that part, too. There is space for all of it, and there is beauty in each stage of transformation.

Card 2. Help bridging last week to this week: Spacious Mind and Soul (#21 of Intuitive Whispers Oracle by Maude Hirst). Do you notice how when you are in a state of fear, it feels extremely claustrophobic? It distorts reality because you start to focus in on what you are most afraid of. When this happens, let’s instead cast our attention elsewhere. That time tested technique of identifying 5 things you can see, 4 things you can hear, 3 things you can touch, 2 things you can smell, 1 thing you can taste. Paradoxically, mindfulness of the discrete in your immediate surroundings is the doorway to a more spacious mind and soul.

I can see how this state of fear and resulting claustrophobic feeling can be triggered when we are in mode of card 1, inexperienced and necessarily vulnerable. Which leads to Card 3, a reminder that vulnerability does not automatically mean being alone.

Card 3. Something to look for this week: Daughters of the Red Tent (#4 of Wild Kuan Yin Oracle by Alana Fairchild). This card is about being divinely supported while you are in a state of transformation. It calls upon patience while we undergo major shifts in our life. This week, I will be looking for signs that I am supported. Simply by looking, I am declaring that I am invested in trusting the Universe to fill in where my free will is unable to produce the possibilities I seek.

I wish you health, joy, peace, and love this week.

Love,

Maria Luz