Things You Notice When You Pause

And Happy Holidays to You

I have taken a leisurely day today and when I slow down like that I encounter some hard feelings. But I’m not mad at them like I used to be. I just try to wave to them kindly and let them hang out as long as they don’t tug at my sleeve excessively. I find it a little miraculous that they end up getting bored and leaving eventually, a sure sign the obsessive compulsive disorder that used to rule my behavior has resolved.

Many years ago, my daughter observed of me “Mom, you are a doer”. I remember being a bit surprised, because I had never noticed. I suppose I didn’t pause long enough to notice!

So, I am really trying to pause through the end of the year and am sharing what I posted on my online sobriety group on Saturday rather than write a whole new post here. It’s not really about sobriety. It’s about not missing your life, something I wish for all of you. Happy Holidays!

Love, Maria Luz and Rei

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I haven't posted in a while and just wanted to check in. It's Solstice today. The great pause before we head towards summer (gradually) here in the Northern Hemisphere.

I remember early on when I stopped drinking, I would pay attention to the pause between breaths to keep me in the present - where nothing terrible was happening in that moment. There was plenty of real or imagined terribleness when my mind had no anchor.

I never noticed that space among the breaths when I was struggling with mental health and addiction to alcohol. Over time, alcohol crowded my mind and I couldn't notice big things either, like how lucky I was in so many regards.

It's those things I couldn't notice because I was so unwell that I marvel at now. Here are just a few:

• I was just out walking my dog and heard a hummingbird's distinctive call, looked up and could pick it out among the leaves because I was patient enough to really see.

• I have 13 indoor plants that I have kept alive, up from 1 (previously dying of neglect).

• My grown kids and bonus kids are all finding their way into adulthood. I participated in that because I have been 100% present these last 2+ years.

If you are out there struggling, I get it. Life is so dang hard. But I promise there is a lot of not hard, too, that we just don't notice when we are drinking.

Happy Solstice. Not drinking with you tonight!

A rainy Solstice walk in Seattle. Photo credit: dreary dendrophile

You may enjoy this early post about my doer mentality:

Some of Us Are Just Here to Grind