What I Want to be When I Grow Up Doesn’t Have A Title
The Occupation line of my tax return caught me off guard this year.
It has always been straightforward. For the entirety of my working life, I have worked for an employer who had bestowed a title. While I realize that a title is not the same as an occupation, it has always been a good substitute. It remains straightforward on my 2023 return, but in 2024 I will be self-employed for the first time, and only one of the three services I expect to offer is credentialed.
For me, there is an extra layer of angst about the “what am I?” Question. As a biracial kid in the 70s, and up until political correctness became a thing well into the 2000s, strangers used to ask me point blank “What are you?”. As a 7 year old, I was initially puzzled, but quickly caught on that they were asking me why I looked different, or rather, why my exact ethnic category was not immediately categorizable. Having to fill in those bubbles on standardized tests, in doctor’s offices, and on government forms dredged up feelings of not belonging every single time. As my identity was more than one category, I therefore had to either choose just one (and deny my whole self) or select ‘Other’, which always made me feel less than human. Over the years, I tried to be equitable in selecting Caucasian (which made me feel like a fraud because I didn’t look it), Asian (which made me feel like I would be accused of trying to get some imaginary minority privilege), or Other (again, non-human).
I became low key obsessed with belonging to the dominant culture. Looking back, how could I have expected to belong as an ‘other’ or as someone forced to deny my whole identity? In order to belong, one must be seen, then accepted, and maybe one day even understood. I couldn’t be seen until I was properly categorized and I could be categorized properly because… well, you see how this could confuse a young person!
Now that I have left corporate employment, I am again faced with the question “What are you?”, even if it comes out sometimes as “What do you do?” The truth is I don’t know what to call myself yet. As a trained hypnotist, I am a a certified and registered (Washington State doesn’t license hypnotherapists, only registers them). As an astrologer, I don’t have any formal credentials, although I am studying with a specific lineage of astrology. As someone with developing psychic and medium abilities, I don’t feel confident enough to include those terms in any descriptors. Even once I pass my own credibility test for charging people for psychic or mediumship readings, how would I possibly combine all the things into one title. Witch? We know the history of even being suspected of this identity! Mystic? This brings to mind someone sitting up on a mountain somewhere alone.
[Geek note: For the astrology fluent readers, you may agree with my assessment that maybe as someone with Chiron in Aries and Mercury conjunct Pluto in Virgo in the 11th house, I have an identity wound and am fated to be obsessed with categorizing myself accurately.]
I don’t think there is still an ‘other’ category, and I think kids can check as many boxes as apply to themselves these days. For grown-ups, can we consider allowing people to just be themselves? I mean, I am not arguing for people to be able to identify themselves as a professional something or other to which they have no logical right. But for people with non-traditional or non-credentialed work, I am hoping we can come up with a way to be seen that doesn’t make us feel so fringe or made-up.
