TW for this audio entry: alcohol use disorder, diet culture, pelvic floor injuries, nightmares
I am offering these peeks into my journal entries from my first year of sobriety, which describe the challenges and personal growth I experienced.
If you are new and interested, jump back to the May 3, 2024 Day 1 post, in which I explain why I started this little project.
Warning: This may be boring to those who have never wanted to live a life without alcohol in it.
Love & Joy, Maria Luz
I remember attending my cousin’s 60th birthday party when I had less than three weeks of sobriety, and as I was leaving, she gave me a big hug and whispered, “It just clicked for me, it will for you, too. We are doing this together.” See, my brilliant cousin, with her PhD, JD, and beautiful family, had been stuck in alcohol addiction for years, too, and at the time of the party had a year and a half sober. We had in common the impressive degrees, shiny careers, and wonderful children, as well as the abusive ex-husbands and grip of alcohol. I see in these entries that “click” happening. I even note in my journal how it feels different than the stretch of 4+ months I had in 2020.
I also see that it is not by chance that this time the click happened. All those monotonous lists I make in my journal? They served to build trust in myself. Of course I wouldn’t forget to walk my dog or do yoga, but I wrote them down anyway because it felt good to do so knowing that I would absolutely follow through, and if I didn’t, it wasn’t because I was too drunk. This foundation of self trust allowed me to eventually begin reaching beyond where I previously would have settled, in all aspects of my life: relationships, career, health, volume of actual joyous moments.
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